Three elements to revise:
1) Transition between various paragraphs or parts of the 'hero's journey' in order to guide the reader through the story.
2) Increasing detail levels in some sections of the story by inserting relevant information and poweful representation of emotions.
3) Altering the ending by making it more informative and less didatic, so that it clearly answers the 'so what' question discussed in Vogler.
Three elements to edit:
1) General use and placement of FANBOYS throughout the story.
2) Choosing words and being specific rather than using this, that, it, etc.
3) Shortening some sentences, which cannot be seperated by commas, into separate ones.
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